Let's Rave On

             Welcome to my journal. I'm a sociopath. Enjoy. :D

 So I recently purchased Demon's Souls and it's awesome, but it has this nifty multiplayer feature that I've yet to harness because none of my friends play video games, so like I did with Mario Kart I looked for a livejournal community.

One didn't exist.

So I made one.

It's shifty and awful, but I'm hoping that people will join so I can then fork it over to someone who can actually make it presentable. The point is to find people, so if you have the game, join!

This is a ROUGH draft.

So, I decided to write a Kateikyoshi Hitman Reborn fanfiction? Which is semi retarded because I just started the show a week ago, and I've been watching Naruto for five years and I've never written a Naruto fanfic. However, I suppose after watching 148 episodes in one week, such a thing can be expected. So Here.

Title: An Obligation
Pairing: 2759
Rating: T for intended angst maybe a swear or two.
Summary: because even when it’s too late, there’s still the need for satisfaction.

( Read more... )

Here's a bit more. I apologize for the utter lack of coherence.



( A few snippits )

Yikes. Since I was nine maybe, I've had this itch in my head of a story that I wanted to write. Eight years later it's a full blown rash and though I have no business writing it with my current abilities I just HAVE to folks. It's absolutely epic and I think one of the reasons why I'm such a sociopath is because I literally have spent at least twenty-five percent of my time  for the past eight years thinking about it. I'll be doing anything from showing to being with people to being at work to playing video games and it's always, always, ALWAYS, funking around in my brain. I have snatches of it in my head, certain ideas, but I've ever known how to start, and believe me I've tried, and every year after when I read it I laugh me ass off at myself and thank the stars I never posted, (excluding a massive blunder when I first got the journal when I was thirteen).

But ah, just first a piece of mind, I started it again. About, say an hour ago, and I feel like posting it. So here it goes.

( Epic )

Over zealous.

Ef these last few months. Seriously.

I am generally so used to functioning under so much stress that I just don't show it any more. Or rather, I don't have powerfully emotional reactions to things that should concern me, like Christmas, or my Birthday, (I'm now 17!), or massively failing a test, my groundbreaking procrastination, or my boyfriend half dieing. 

But in this past month I have had such varying degrease of reason to be happy or frustraited, or sad that I finally had a little mental breakdown.

( The Story of my Life )

Anime

Soul Eater- Is over, ended well, with awesome artwork the whole way through, awesome. I'm sad though.
Kuroshitsuji- OH COMMON! WHAT A TRASHY ENDING! I loved it though.
Shikabane Hime- WOAH, what a randomly AWESOME show, fucking fantastic artwork and good storyline in one.
Naruto- FUCK YOU KISHIMOTO, JUST, JUST, FUCK YOU.
Phantom..(???)- What terrifically shitty artwork for a brand new anime. Seriously people? With todays tech, you still can't animate someone walking without them looking like they're floating? Alright storyline.

Michiko to Hatchin- This was randomly selected and I only picked it out because the artwork looked so monstrously amazing. Within the first five minutes it was in my top ten favorite animes ever, and two days later after I finished the series and bawled my eyes out it made my top five. (among which are titles like Noein, Ergo Proxy, Last Exile, Tsubasa Chronicals, FINE, Naruto) It honestly, is just a show about life, (takes place in BRAZIL? It's that ill!) It shows you how much the journey of life is goddamn hurtful and cruel and painful, but there are those random blissful and wondrous moments that make life worth not killing yourself over.

It's a generally happy anime persay, full of its own brand of action. But very serious things happen, for instance the use of children by female beggars in Brazil as hustling items for pitty money, or a hooker trying to escape her pimp getting shot to death by a band of children, or a ganf leader telling his best friend the only way he'd spare his life was if he could stick his head in a bucket of water for ten minutes and then just shooting him, but it was so subtle and beautiful and OH! It was more like a book than an anime, because it didn't have anything stereotypical of an anime really, just a wonderful story of a headstrong escaped ex-convict mother and her patient daughter.

I can't stress how good the artwork is. How lush and full the detail was, and patturns and the clothes that they wore! They would have needed a freaking stylist for those things! Four different outfits for each character an episode and so much color and detail and gahhhhhhh. The flow was almost TOO smooth and I could practically imagine the feel of every shown surface and texture.

And what could be better than a ANIME with a warm and spicy South American flavor?

why havn't I done this before? why havn't I done this before?

I should fucking kill myself for not having done this. Of all the masses of fanfiction I've read, I've never pimped a single goddamn one. Sure, I've mentioned a few, but damnit, it is a slap in the face of the God who wrote this thing to not pimp this in every way I can.

Title: Attraction
Author: Gelfling
Fandom: Naruto (and get the fuck over it)
Pairing: NarutoxSasuke

www.fanfiction.net/s/1424570/1/

This is the single best piece of writing I've ever read in my life. Fuck off, those of you who are scoffing right now. It takes a monstrously titanic amount of emotional endurance to both read this, and take breaks while reading it. My very heart, soul, and mind would god damned tremble while reading it because the author beckons, seduces, carries, pushes, slams, and fucks you up the ass while she takes you through this piece.


This story is not sad, sad is when your fucking dog dies, or your grandmother passes away. This story is brainfuckingly tragic and you will be simultaniously clutching your chair, quaking with anger and pulling your hair out, while you have tears of euphoric joy bleeding down your miserable face.

The authorial tone is that of someone whose pains in life have made them lose their fucking mind, and who is on the verge of finding the reason why they're alive again. It is vulgar and viscious, and there is graphic sex every forth chapter or so.

This story is about pain, death, and destruction. This story is about love.

Yeah yeah, it's been a while, blabbidy blah, same old same old.

Life is good. Let's just throw that out there. For anyone who still reads my incredibly infrequent posts, that about sums it up. Life could be better of course, but it's about as good as it can get for a person in a position such as mine.

Now it burns me to say it in such a cliche, gag me, type way, but, I am in love, simply put.

His name is Michael.

To put it  even further simply, he is everything I've ever wanted, and didn't know I wanted. There, that's all ya'll are getting because I'm lazy and he's amazing and I'd rather do him no good, than fail at doing him any.


As for an anime update.

I'm watching:

Naruto : (duh)
Bleach: (dub)
Ghost Hound: (I started this a year ago, never finished it, it's very good)
Kurozuka : This is a crazy fucked up psycho anime, it's awesome.
Ga Rei Zero: kinda dumb, but whatever.
Soul Eater: fucking awesome anime, period.

I think there's another, but it's obviously not important enough to remember.

FFXIII comes out next month.

Holy shit.

 Everything hurts.

I am flying.



Always the intent

Of the mistress

To tempt

The aching sea.




She twiddles her toes,

Snickers at the shore line,

Whispers "Coward."




"I will find another

Favorite place

Another favorite

Shore line.

And you

You will be left

To the shells

And the all-familiar 

uh oh.....

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Very High
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

 I figured I should post.

My life consists of impending finals and Hikaru no Go.

Have fun everyone.

And while you're at it, make your way over to bookshop's fanfiction and toko's Hikago fanfiction compendium.

be elightened.

Oh god I'm deathly excited.

The pieces are all falling into place.




sleep to dream.

<sub>got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream
You got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem
This mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you, don't come around, I got my own hell to raise 


I have never been so insulted in all my life
I could swallow the seas to wash down all this pride
First you run like a fool just to be at my side
And now you run like a fool, but you just run to hide, and I can't abide

Don't make it a big deal, don't be so sensitive
We're not playing a game anymore; you don't have to be so defensive
Don't you plead me your case, don't bother to explain
Don't even show me your face, 'cuz it's a crying shame
Just go back to the rock from under which you came
Take the sorrow you gave and all the stakes you claim -
And don't forget the blame</sub> 

 Yeah, so the grand canyon is pretty freakin grand.

Arizona is pretty lifeless.

And sushi is a gift from God.

That's pretty much what you will learn from going to Arizona Class.


I am completely immersed for the first time in two years in livejournal, and the most surprising thing is it has almost next to nothing to do with Naruto, which makes me a little sad, but I'm loving the variety in my new interests. 

First off, and a little bit late if you ask me because I finished the anime two years ago also, I've fallen in love with Elricest from Full Metal Alchemist. Second, I read the entire Hikaru no Go series in four days, and I am so enamoured with HikaruxAkira, and I bought FFXII about five weeks ago now, and I absoloutely love BalthierxVaan. 

And also a little late, I'm loving all the HarryxDraco that's out there.

My last couple of weeks have consisted of me reading multitudes of said pairings fanfiction.


I've also finally started taking piano lessons again.

OH, and I got the green light to start running again because it's been three months after surgery. My life is coming back together.

Hallelujah.

I'm trying not to get too excited, or else time will slow right down, but,

 I'M LEAVING FOR ARIZONA IN TWO DAYS. (to visit my brother)

With Kiely Mae.

Here's some news since I havn't updated about anything lifewise in a long time.

Pretty much, my worst fear reared its ugly bastard head in the last five months.

First off, I'm really active, aside from year round karate and basketball, I stay in shape. I've run and worked out regularly since I was a kid. It's fun for me, a part of my life, and I'm proud of it.

     In December during basketball season, I tore my MCL, which is a ligiment running on the inside of your knee. Normally, all that needs to be done is to go in there and snip out the torn musicus, which would still suck, but it would only be a 20 minute surgery. However, when I got my MRI, it showed that the reason why my MCL tore, and also why I've been having problems with my knee for the past year and a half, is because my ACL has been torn right through. The ACL is way more important that the MCL since it is the central ligiment in your knee, and it apparently had been torn for almost two years, which explains why my knee sometimes locked and would give out whenever I landed.
     So, to my horror at the time, I was scheduled to have reconstructive surgery in Frebruary. They would take a petella tendon graft, drill some holes in my knee, and use the graft to recreate my ACL, and then snip out some of the torn muniscus. The recouperating period is 6 to eight months with PT three times a week.
    The first week was the fucking worst. I CAN'T HANDLE OXYCOTTON, HYDROCODDON, VYKODEN, OR PERCASET. I literally consumed one fruit bowl in four days because I threw up over fifteen bloody times. I also am a violant vomiter (?), because I burst blood vessels in my eye with gave me a completely red left eye for three weeks. I had to take a month off from school, which FUCKED second quareter's report card. I could not stand upright for two weeks after surgery because the blood weight of my leg and the screws in my shin and knee hurt so damn much. And I couldn't walk until three weeks. It was only until a month later that I could walk upright, and I STILL have a SLIGHT limp when I'm tight.
     Physical therepy is a bitch and a half. I have the most watery eyed big pupiled faggot tending to me, and I was super irratable all the time because I totally resented not being able to function. I have GAINED five pounds, which is annoying to say the least, for a while I consisted of absoloute ZERO muscle mass, which is a first, and I have not moved faster than 2.5 miles per hour in five months. 
     You honestly can't appreciate having legs until you've lost one of them. Getting up was such a pain for a while, that I literally had to think if I would need anything for the rest of the day, so I wouldn't have to get up again. Getting up is still hard, because of atrophee (yikes sp?), I lost three inches up muscle mass off my quad, so its visibly skinnier than my left, which is both a stab to my ego, and an annoyance.
     HOWEVER, my knee is doing well two months after sugery, I can't bend it all the way back yet, but my PT said I'll be able to start jogging in two more weeks. The scar is about....6 inches long, and maybe 1/8th of an inch wide right over the knee cap. I can work out and do a stationary bike and a stair master, just not impact, (if  I jump I can feel the jolt in my knee), my quad has come back some, but it's still a bit skinnier than the other one. Tight spaces are not my friend. As a comparison, the the strightest I could get my leg was 8 degrees, (pretend 0 is completely strait), and the most I could bend it is 40 degreese, now, two months later, I can straiten in to almost 3 degrees, and bend it up to 138 degrees (average human in 135, my left leg, the good one, is almost 160, I'm flexible). So there has been a lot of progress.


That's pretty much it, it's not like I've been able to do much. However I'm really into the FFXII fandom now, if that's of any interest, I'll be puttering around there for a while, so friend if interested.

cheers.

I knew it. I knew Itachi wasn't bad.


But now he's dead, after poking Sasuke's forehead one last time, so it doesn't even matter.

 I am obsessed with Final Fantasy XII.

atonement

between bits of a windy whispering song
you heard my strangled weeping
through the static silence, you heard me.

failing to disengage- detachment eluded-
we disappeard on a cloud. bits of rain
toyed about between our curls and
you became the winter wind i shy away from,
i became the sand that twirls within your waves &
my body moved fiercely in the wrong direction
as i lost your mouth among bits of broken glass--
we tossed cheap wine out the window,
it became a destruction of all that was sacred,
everything was suddenly flat and dark and solid
and through the silence, the screeching began

enraged and aching. in an absolute imperfect gesture
your fist met my mouth--no longer were you soft or stoic
you were the monster in my closet, breathing fire on my pretty things
i was the thorn between your skin and bone, abhorrent to your chanting


our heavy heavy breathing filled the hollows in my walls
our voices, the same yet broken.
our skin, languid and misused.
our bodies, at last unaligned--
you were fuming, i was a storm
a stunning show of all that great destruction

Dear lord, I'll leave this out here for everyone to contemplate:

Kishimoto,

You're telling me, Itachi Uchiha, gets killed from behind. You're telling me, that a sword can not only go through sheetrock, but that a human, ninja or not, can put it through, and not only through, but fast enough, that Itachi Uchiha couldn't tell it was coming. What a waste, what a shame, how insulting to a reputation you painstaking took 200 episodes to tantalizingly build. If he is dead, or loses to Sasuke, which would only serve to boost his disgustingly enormous ego, and further insult Naruto in a roundabout way, Naruto would have completely lost its substance, it's entire purpose.

that is all.